I know God is right.
I know His way, is the Good Way.
I know He takes me to joy and He has my best in His mind.
But I don't like it!
I am a child at my heart.
A hard hearted and headed child who willfully wishes to have it her way.
After hurting myself until I could not hurt more,
I accepted, unwillingly, that I could not continue alone.
But I did not like it.
I go where You send me, I do as You wish,
And I obey You without a word.
But in my heart I rebel.
Why can't Your way be my way?
Why can't You seen things the way I see them?
Why can't You work the world the way I wish?
I accept and obey, but I do not love it.
I don't find the joy in the obedience.
Is it time to find that joy?
Are You done teaching me?
Have I managed to learn something?
Or have You secretly changed my heart, in Your loving, sweet way?
Why are You so gentle with me?
Why do You carry me through the storm I have caused?
Why do You protect me from the fire I have started?
Why am I, like a baby bird safe in her nest, even among the hurricane?
Why am I loved?
Why am I cherished?
Why do You seek me when I pout and try to hide from You?
Why do You protect my heart from breaking into thousands of pieces?
When I break Your heart every day.
Give me the joy of obedience.
Help me to find the content in following Your way.
The true happiness that waits me in You.
Let me see a glimpse of that moment, of Your presence.
Give me a taste of Joy.
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