Give me an undivided heart

I started this year with an ambitious goal of writings a blog post every day.

Not a New Year’s Resolution but a monthly challenge to see if I could do it and build my blog at the same time.

I was able to do it in January and I learned a lot.

Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”

I met a lot of bloggers, I read a lot of blog posts and understood much better who I wanted to be as a blogger myself.

There are so many blogs out there, some of them are amazing, some of them are attractive and interesting, and some of them I wish were mine.

Some of them make a lot of money and some of them just don’t have an idea who they are and what they want to write.

It can be quite sad and disturbing to try to read some of the posts.

PSALM 86:11-13 “Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.” (NIV)

During the January I read books, I had my morning devotionals, and even learned new things about my faith and prayer life.

The best thing about the whole month was how my relationship with God grew and got stronger.

I also found new friends and advice for my life that I want to follow.

I managed to do my daily work, be with my son and help him to get through his exam period with relatively good grades, actually very good grades for him considering his ADHD.

It was even possible to attend all the extra meetings for the last years report and plan for February's teacher trainings.

“Spiritual people are not those who engage in certain spiritual practices; they are those who draw their life from a conversational relationship with God.”- Dallas Willard

At the end of the January my friends came visiting from Finland on their way to their mission in Peru.

I got to spend time with them and relax but I still managed to keep writing and posting.

Admittedly, I was sleeping five or four hours at night, sometimes even less.

Then came the February, my boss came from Finland, and a very good friend of mine from Alaska.

Romans 12:1 “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.”

The teacher training started and at the same time we had a huge amount of meetings about the last years report, this year’s work, and the future three year project we want to start next year.

My friend was doing the in-services for inclusive and special education.

She is a special education teacher and has so much to offer, especially about teaching reading and writing skills and adapting the teaching for learning disability students.

But she cannot speak Spanish and I had to be there to translate.

Also Kichwa culture isn’t the same as the States, Ecuador doesn’t have the same possibilities, and I had to interpret it for the culture and place we are in.

PSALM 27:1 “The LORD is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid?”

I noticed that in order to keep doing everything I could only sleep three or four hours a night.

I just could not keep it up anymore.

I wasn’t able to dedicate time to my devotionals or reading the Bible.

I was feeling that I have absolutely nothing to give.

I started to wonder if the blog was a distraction.

It had seemed such a good idea, a wonderful way to reach out to people and share God and my passion for Him with them.

“My heart goes out to you, and I long to see you all coming constantly to God for a fresh supply of love.” - D.L. Moody

I knew that February was going to be hard.

I had seen the plans; I was the one who made most of the plans for the February at work.

And I had been praying in advance, for God to show if this was what He meant for me.

If blogging is from Him, then He will show me the way.

If it is not, then the blog can be done with.

PSALM 13:5-6 "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." (NIV)

Last week I was too tired to even open the computer.

I had some posts prepared, Blogger conveniently posted them for me on schedule but I was just not able to promote them.

When I had a chance to visit the blog, I could see how the readership swindled down.

Was the blog becoming a distraction?

"Something of God... flows into us from the blue of the sky, the taste of honey, the delicious embrace of water whether cold or hot, and even from sleep itself." -- C. S. Lewis in Scraps', St. James' Magazine

What should I do when I only have so much time and I need to choose between reading the Bible and doing a blog post?

On Sunday I could finally think straight, after sleeping most of the Saturday.

It was wonderful to find myself, in front of God, without distractions.

Isaiah 12:2 - "Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strenght and my song; he also has become my salvation."

Anything good can be bad, anything beautiful and excellent we do without giving it God and concentrating on His will first, can be damaging to us and other people.

And the distractions might be opportunities or God talking to us, nudging us to pay Him attention.

If I am silent enough to listen to His words, I can be sure He will find the way.

If I pay attention and heed to His will, He will succeed.

There is only one golden rule, only one way, only one God and the joy is only found in Him.

"Don't bother to give God instructions; just report for duty." - Corrie Ten Boom

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