God is rebuilding you

When my son was just a baby I used to worry what would happen to him and who he would be when he would grow up.

Now he's 9 years old and I worry even more.

It is hard to be a parent. You want everything that is good for your child.

You want to give all to him, make his life easier. You don't want your child to suffer.

“Let the first act of every morning be to make the following resolve for the day:
- I shall not fear anyone on Earth.
- I shall fear only God.
- I shall not bear ill will toward anyone.
- I shall not submit to injustice from anyone.
- I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

But at the same time you know that he needs to do thing by himself to learn. Get hurt so he will be able to handle life's real suffering when he is an adult.

What ever you do, either let him get hurt, protect him, help him, let him do it by himself and, eventually, even fail, you feel guilt.

Because you can never know if you did the right thing.

“Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?”
― John Keats, Letters of John Keats

Maybe... If... What if... Should I...

How many doubts can a person have?

It seems that if you are a parent, there really isn't end in sight for the doubting.

Ephesians 3:20: “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,”

Luckily there is one thing I can be sure of.

God, our Father. He is our heavenly father and I'm certain He understands our suffering and failing as parents.

I'm sure that He is willing to share His inmense wisdom, if we just care to listen to Him.

“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison

It has been a treasure to be able to pray and ask for guidance. And at the same time this search has made me see God, the Father, in quite a different light.

I could not understand why He would let us suffer. Suffering is a consecuence of the sin, that I know. But why, we, His children, saved by His son Jesus, need to suffer? Even after we have been saved?

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I cannot say that I know it all. But I think I might have learned a little bit, even though I'm so hard headed and stubborn.

Suffering is necessary and it makes me better and happier person.

Most of us say, well of course suffering makes you a better person. BUT what in earth are you saying? How can suffering make you a happier person?

“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for. Of curse it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.”

― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Because we are called to be happy, to enjoy are life, to be joyfull in God, NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES!

It's not the circumstances that make us happy but that we put our trust in God no matter what is happening around us and to us.

And this is why suffering can make you happier.

“Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape.”
― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

In C. S. Lewis' words:

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself." C. S. Lewis